Oh my, I certainly didn’t intend to disappear from this little corner of the internet. In fact, I had all these grandiose plans about blogging about the move and organizing and all that jazz. But then instead I was my sister’s maid of honour, moved in with Will and changed my work hours all within the course of three weeks. So I was a bit stressed. And when I’m stressed, I go into what my mom calls hibernation mode, which is what happens when you’re so stressed about everything going on that the minute you have any down time, your brain is like, “Nope, shut it down” and you start going to bed at 9 pm. Which was probably especially fun for Will, who’d pictured moving in with a fun girlfriend, and instead moved in with a cranky, perpetually exhausted bear.
Speaking of bears, and my birthday, I always feel like birthdays are a time of reflection. And what I’ve been reflecting on lately is that I need to stop being so darn hard on myself. In fact, that might be my number one resolution for the next year.
This is inspired by one of my favourite Stephen Fry quotes: “A bear doesn’t go to sleep thinking ‘I wasn’t really a very good bear today.’ They are just 100% bear, whereas human beings feel we’re not 100% human, that we’re always letting ourselves down. We’re constantly striving towards something, to some fulfilment”
I would like to go to bed each night and not think, “I haven’t been a very good human lately.” I am the kind of person who will beat themselves up for any and all of the following: leaving my dishes in the sink too long. Not calling my mom enough. Dressing like a slob for too many days in a row. Bickering with my boyfriend. Not cooking enough. Not eating enough vegetables. Not blogging enough. Forgetting to take pictures of events. Accidentally ignoring a text or email from someone for a day or two.
So along with this new promise to be kinder to myself, is a promise to be better at self care. Last Wednesday night was a perfect example. I’d gone over to my old apartment after work to help clean before the final inspection, and hadn’t gotten home until 8 pm. Will was out with a friend, and I was going to make myself some kind of sad person meal like Kraft dinner or frozen pizza, but I was like, “I can do better than that!” So I made mac and cheese and garlic fried green beans. And they were delicious.
I know I’ve already posted here about my love of planning, and I think the real issue is that lately I’ve been swinging a wee bit too much into the over planning aspect of my personality. I always mentally mocked people who scheduled down time, but it looks like I might have to be one of them, at least for a little while.